Unspoken feelin

1. 
   

want or need?

Oh God, for sure i love that gadget so damn ! when i can have it?
but, i don't know is that my need or i just want it for fun?

anyway, in front of me there's i phone 4 and i use it for the game. wait a moment, the i phone for sure not mine, it's my brother's. and right now, i write to blog with mac book air, and of course it not mine too, and it's my brother's. hufff !!

when i can have it?

life

well, my recently day was fully of tears. oh, don't think the tears come from broken heart or what else same with it. it comes from the true story inspiring me to move on to live my life. for the last day i was already finished watching film "1litters of tears" this film truly inspiring me to walk my day with hope. the film tells us about a girl just 15years old have a serious disease. she's got it. and don't you know, when the doctor says your life isn't longer than the other guys. you just think it's so impossible, because you know that all day long was healthy. her name : Aya. she's got decreases function of brain. it's seriously can make you die. but, Aya when she know she got it, she just pray, hope, and with all her energy, she makes her life so beautiful. she always cheers up eventhough she can't :'( her spirit to live her life so amazing. thanks aya for inspirator :') and for the second, i was already read book. this book recomended from my friend. the book "KAMU SEKUAT AKU" tell us about the girl live in bandung and have study at FSRD ITB. she has a seriously diseases too, cancer. oh No, she just young. but she has many spirit to become health. when i read it, my tears can't stop turn down :'( and... the last but not the least. i have read, the book can inspiring me too, and of course all of you guys :) I read through the first chapter and I was all teary already. His life is uneasy, at least compared to mine, mine is way easier.

i want to share some passage :

"For the longest time, I thought that if my body were more 'normal' my life
would be a breeze. What I didn't realise was that I didn't have to be normal,
I just had to be me, my Father's child, carrying out God's plan. At first,
I was not willing to confront that what was really wrong with me wasn't my body,
it was the limits I put on myself and my limited vision of the possibilities for my life.

If you aren't where you want to be or you haven't achieved all you hope to achieve, the reason most likely resides not around you, but within you. Take responsibilities and then take action. First though, you must believe in yourself and your value. You can't wait for others to discover your hiding place. You can't wait for that miracles or 'just the right opportunity'. You should consider yourself the stick and the world your pot of stew. Stir it up!

...

The fact is that as mere mortals, you and I have limited vision. We can't possible see what lies ahead. That's both the bad news and good news. My encouragement to you is that what lies ahead may be far better than anything you ever thought possible. But it's up to you to get over it, get up and show up!

Whether your life is good and you want to make it better, or whether it's so bad you just want to stay in bed, the fact is that what happens from this very moment is up to you and your Maker. True, you can't control everything. Too often, bad stuff happens to people no matter how good they are. It may not be fair that you weren't born into a life of ease, but if that is your reality, you have to work with it.

...

If you are still searching the path in life, know that it's okay to feel a little frustration. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Your yearning for more meaning is a sign that you are growing, moving beyond limitations and developing your talents..."

Thank you, Nick. You are truly inspiring.

"Wherever you are, though you have no arms to hug me, you have no hands to pat my back...you successfully speak to my heart, possibly to millions hearts...

Often, we look down to ourselves, we think that we have no hopes and we are trapped in a bad situation... it is us who makes it that way...

I will try to wake up every morning, thank God for what he has given me, thank for the blessings I receive every single day and share them with others as I go."

dari lo smpe kamu

Kepada kamu,
Dengan penuh kebencian.

Aku benci jatuh cinta. Aku benci merasa senang bertemu lagi dengan kamu, tersenyum malu-malu, dan menebak-nebak, selalu menebak-nebak. Aku benci deg-degan menunggu kamu online. Dan di saat kamu muncul, aku akan tiduran tengkurap, bantal di bawah dagu, lalu berpikir, tersenyum, dan berusaha mencari kalimat-kalimat lucu agar kamu, di seberang sana, bisa tertawa. Karena, kata orang, cara mudah membuat orang suka denganmu adalah dengan membuatnya tertawa. Mudah-mudahan itu benar.

Aku benci terkejut melihat SMS kamu nongol di inbox-ku dan aku benci kenapa aku harus memakan waktu begitu lama untuk membalasnya, menghapusnya, memikirkan kata demi kata. Aku benci ketika jatuh cinta, semua detail yang aku ucapkan, katakan, kirimkan, tuliskan ke kamu menjadi penting, seolah-olah harus tanpa cacat, atau aku bisa jadi kehilangan kamu. Aku benci harus berada dalam posisi seperti itu. Tapi, aku tidak bisa menawar, ya?

Aku benci harus menerjemahkan isyarat-isyarat kamu itu. Apakah pertanyaan kamu itu sekadar pancingan atau retorika atau pertanyaan biasa yang aku salah artikan dengan penuh percaya diri? Apakah kepalamu yang kamu senderkan di bahuku kemarin hanya gesture biasa, atau ada maksud lain, atau aku yang-sekali lagi-salah mengartikan dengan penuh percaya diri?

Aku benci harus memikirkan kamu sebelum tidur dan merasakan sesuatu yang bergerak dari dalam dada, menjalar ke sekujur tubuh, dan aku merasa pasrah, gelisah. Aku benci untuk berpikir aku bisa begini terus semalaman, tanpa harus tidur. Cukup begini saja.

Aku benci ketika kamu menempelkan kepalamu ke sisi kepalaku, saat kamu mencoba untuk melihat sesuatu di handycam yang sedang aku pegang. Oh, aku benci kenapa ketika kepala kita bersentuhan, aku tidak bernapas, aku merasa canggung, aku ingin berlari jauh. Aku benci aku harus sadar atas semua kecanggungan itu…, tapi tidak bisa melakukan apa-apa.

Aku benci ketika logika aku bersuara dan mengingatkan, “Hey! Ini hanya ketertarikan fisik semata, pada akhirnya kamu akan tahu, kalian berdua tidak punya anything in common,” harus dimentahkan oleh hati yang berkata, “Jangan hiraukan logikamu.”

Aku benci harus mencari-cari kesalahan kecil yang ada di dalam diri kamu. Kesalahan yang secara desperate aku cari dengan paksa karena aku benci untuk tahu bahwa kamu bisa saja sempurna, kamu bisa saja tanpa cela, dan aku, bisa saja benar-benar jatuh hati kepadamu.

Aku benci jatuh cinta, terutama kepada kamu. Demi Tuhan, aku benci jatuh cinta kepada kamu. Karena, di dalam perasaan menggebu-gebu ini; di balik semua rasa kangen, takut, canggung, yang bergumul di dalam dan meletup pelan-pelan…

aku takut sendirian. - by raditya Dika-

sebenarnya surat diatas ga jauh beda sama apa yg mau gw sampein.

yg dimerahin sebenarnya hanya berbeda sedikit saja : " Aku benci ketika kamu memegang kepalaku atau bahkan bersandar hingga tak ada batas ketika kita nonton film, Oh, aku benci kenapa ketika kita bersentuhan, aku tidak bernapas, aku merasa canggung, aku ingin berlari jauh. Aku benci aku harus sadar atas semua kecanggungan itu…, tapi tidak bisa melakukan apa-apa. "

YA, AKU TAKUT SENDIRI ....

you haven't even left yet, but i still feel you missing...

egoland?

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

— Marilyn Monroe

deadline !!!

i must be die !!!!

but, i have God strenghted me :')

Quote of the day :
"Life is no straight and easy corridor along which we travel free and unhampered, but a maze of passages, through which we must seek our way, lost and confused, now and again checked in a blind alley. But always, if we have faith, a door will open for us, not perhaps one that we ourselves would ever have thought of, but one that will ultimately prove good for us."

- A.J. Cronin -

Quote of the day by DR :)

"Sometimes, we just gotta let go. Of people, of feelings, of things. No matter how big this world is, we can never befriend a million people. We can't have it all. What we can have, is what we deserve."

- Diana Rikasari -