Unspoken feelin

1. 
   

want or need?

Oh God, for sure i love that gadget so damn ! when i can have it?
but, i don't know is that my need or i just want it for fun?

anyway, in front of me there's i phone 4 and i use it for the game. wait a moment, the i phone for sure not mine, it's my brother's. and right now, i write to blog with mac book air, and of course it not mine too, and it's my brother's. hufff !!

when i can have it?

life

well, my recently day was fully of tears. oh, don't think the tears come from broken heart or what else same with it. it comes from the true story inspiring me to move on to live my life. for the last day i was already finished watching film "1litters of tears" this film truly inspiring me to walk my day with hope. the film tells us about a girl just 15years old have a serious disease. she's got it. and don't you know, when the doctor says your life isn't longer than the other guys. you just think it's so impossible, because you know that all day long was healthy. her name : Aya. she's got decreases function of brain. it's seriously can make you die. but, Aya when she know she got it, she just pray, hope, and with all her energy, she makes her life so beautiful. she always cheers up eventhough she can't :'( her spirit to live her life so amazing. thanks aya for inspirator :') and for the second, i was already read book. this book recomended from my friend. the book "KAMU SEKUAT AKU" tell us about the girl live in bandung and have study at FSRD ITB. she has a seriously diseases too, cancer. oh No, she just young. but she has many spirit to become health. when i read it, my tears can't stop turn down :'( and... the last but not the least. i have read, the book can inspiring me too, and of course all of you guys :) I read through the first chapter and I was all teary already. His life is uneasy, at least compared to mine, mine is way easier.

i want to share some passage :

"For the longest time, I thought that if my body were more 'normal' my life
would be a breeze. What I didn't realise was that I didn't have to be normal,
I just had to be me, my Father's child, carrying out God's plan. At first,
I was not willing to confront that what was really wrong with me wasn't my body,
it was the limits I put on myself and my limited vision of the possibilities for my life.

If you aren't where you want to be or you haven't achieved all you hope to achieve, the reason most likely resides not around you, but within you. Take responsibilities and then take action. First though, you must believe in yourself and your value. You can't wait for others to discover your hiding place. You can't wait for that miracles or 'just the right opportunity'. You should consider yourself the stick and the world your pot of stew. Stir it up!

...

The fact is that as mere mortals, you and I have limited vision. We can't possible see what lies ahead. That's both the bad news and good news. My encouragement to you is that what lies ahead may be far better than anything you ever thought possible. But it's up to you to get over it, get up and show up!

Whether your life is good and you want to make it better, or whether it's so bad you just want to stay in bed, the fact is that what happens from this very moment is up to you and your Maker. True, you can't control everything. Too often, bad stuff happens to people no matter how good they are. It may not be fair that you weren't born into a life of ease, but if that is your reality, you have to work with it.

...

If you are still searching the path in life, know that it's okay to feel a little frustration. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Your yearning for more meaning is a sign that you are growing, moving beyond limitations and developing your talents..."

Thank you, Nick. You are truly inspiring.

"Wherever you are, though you have no arms to hug me, you have no hands to pat my back...you successfully speak to my heart, possibly to millions hearts...

Often, we look down to ourselves, we think that we have no hopes and we are trapped in a bad situation... it is us who makes it that way...

I will try to wake up every morning, thank God for what he has given me, thank for the blessings I receive every single day and share them with others as I go."

dari lo smpe kamu

Kepada kamu,
Dengan penuh kebencian.

Aku benci jatuh cinta. Aku benci merasa senang bertemu lagi dengan kamu, tersenyum malu-malu, dan menebak-nebak, selalu menebak-nebak. Aku benci deg-degan menunggu kamu online. Dan di saat kamu muncul, aku akan tiduran tengkurap, bantal di bawah dagu, lalu berpikir, tersenyum, dan berusaha mencari kalimat-kalimat lucu agar kamu, di seberang sana, bisa tertawa. Karena, kata orang, cara mudah membuat orang suka denganmu adalah dengan membuatnya tertawa. Mudah-mudahan itu benar.

Aku benci terkejut melihat SMS kamu nongol di inbox-ku dan aku benci kenapa aku harus memakan waktu begitu lama untuk membalasnya, menghapusnya, memikirkan kata demi kata. Aku benci ketika jatuh cinta, semua detail yang aku ucapkan, katakan, kirimkan, tuliskan ke kamu menjadi penting, seolah-olah harus tanpa cacat, atau aku bisa jadi kehilangan kamu. Aku benci harus berada dalam posisi seperti itu. Tapi, aku tidak bisa menawar, ya?

Aku benci harus menerjemahkan isyarat-isyarat kamu itu. Apakah pertanyaan kamu itu sekadar pancingan atau retorika atau pertanyaan biasa yang aku salah artikan dengan penuh percaya diri? Apakah kepalamu yang kamu senderkan di bahuku kemarin hanya gesture biasa, atau ada maksud lain, atau aku yang-sekali lagi-salah mengartikan dengan penuh percaya diri?

Aku benci harus memikirkan kamu sebelum tidur dan merasakan sesuatu yang bergerak dari dalam dada, menjalar ke sekujur tubuh, dan aku merasa pasrah, gelisah. Aku benci untuk berpikir aku bisa begini terus semalaman, tanpa harus tidur. Cukup begini saja.

Aku benci ketika kamu menempelkan kepalamu ke sisi kepalaku, saat kamu mencoba untuk melihat sesuatu di handycam yang sedang aku pegang. Oh, aku benci kenapa ketika kepala kita bersentuhan, aku tidak bernapas, aku merasa canggung, aku ingin berlari jauh. Aku benci aku harus sadar atas semua kecanggungan itu…, tapi tidak bisa melakukan apa-apa.

Aku benci ketika logika aku bersuara dan mengingatkan, “Hey! Ini hanya ketertarikan fisik semata, pada akhirnya kamu akan tahu, kalian berdua tidak punya anything in common,” harus dimentahkan oleh hati yang berkata, “Jangan hiraukan logikamu.”

Aku benci harus mencari-cari kesalahan kecil yang ada di dalam diri kamu. Kesalahan yang secara desperate aku cari dengan paksa karena aku benci untuk tahu bahwa kamu bisa saja sempurna, kamu bisa saja tanpa cela, dan aku, bisa saja benar-benar jatuh hati kepadamu.

Aku benci jatuh cinta, terutama kepada kamu. Demi Tuhan, aku benci jatuh cinta kepada kamu. Karena, di dalam perasaan menggebu-gebu ini; di balik semua rasa kangen, takut, canggung, yang bergumul di dalam dan meletup pelan-pelan…

aku takut sendirian. - by raditya Dika-

sebenarnya surat diatas ga jauh beda sama apa yg mau gw sampein.

yg dimerahin sebenarnya hanya berbeda sedikit saja : " Aku benci ketika kamu memegang kepalaku atau bahkan bersandar hingga tak ada batas ketika kita nonton film, Oh, aku benci kenapa ketika kita bersentuhan, aku tidak bernapas, aku merasa canggung, aku ingin berlari jauh. Aku benci aku harus sadar atas semua kecanggungan itu…, tapi tidak bisa melakukan apa-apa. "

YA, AKU TAKUT SENDIRI ....

you haven't even left yet, but i still feel you missing...

egoland?

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

— Marilyn Monroe

deadline !!!

i must be die !!!!

but, i have God strenghted me :')

Quote of the day :
"Life is no straight and easy corridor along which we travel free and unhampered, but a maze of passages, through which we must seek our way, lost and confused, now and again checked in a blind alley. But always, if we have faith, a door will open for us, not perhaps one that we ourselves would ever have thought of, but one that will ultimately prove good for us."

- A.J. Cronin -

Quote of the day by DR :)

"Sometimes, we just gotta let go. Of people, of feelings, of things. No matter how big this world is, we can never befriend a million people. We can't have it all. What we can have, is what we deserve."

- Diana Rikasari -

twiit twiit twiiterrr !

Twitter accounts I enjoy following the most:

• @twitngaco : ngacoo nya bener bener deh ! seruuu :D
  
• @deritamahasiswa : twitnya bener2 merasakan masih mahasiswa. kangen :(
  
• @radiogalau : bkn krn gw galau, tp beneran deh lucuuu parah !
  
• @poconggg : ga usah disangsikan tweet2nya. followersnya bujuk gunek !! :')
  
• @LargerThanWords, @TweetMoveOn, @Quotephrases : give inspirations, thx :)
  
• @dikotakita : wah..bener deh gw pgen berpetualang di jkt seharian krn baca nih :D
  

A-awesome

A-Z
A : Awesome
Z : Zee Avi

you know Zee Avi ? she's mucisian from malaysia. when i hear her first song in radio, at the same time i fall in love with her.

then, for that time i browse her song, and i love it for more !!




"kantoi, honey-bee, you and me, poppy, and many more"

i miss you, and you?

oh...
:(

i was sad, yes i am..
how much i miss you? did you know? i don't know for what reason this feelin. oh God, thanks for give me love, but ???

it's only you...
it's must you...
it's been you...

honestly, i miss you so much.. and i want to meet you...but won't you?
i l*ke you, you always makes me smile even i can't.. and even you don't know it. you always there in the right time, and you're the enjoyable person.. you do it with your own way. i don't know for what reason our togetherness, but please don't make me hurt when you left over me :'( i'm flying with our moment, i know i'm wrong to feel it. i know i expect to much.

and you, my super duper medicine for my daily routine, don't make me sick of our relations. if you feel nothing to me, don't act supposing that you have feeling. but i'll understand whatever the fact is. i'll face it, with or without tears :(

but i know, we're just friends.. you say it without words :(
be my boy, my K :)

....................btw, happy goodfriday, and easter blogger :)

*.*

Well played, God.
Are you happy now?
Are you happy watching me miserable?

my social networking !

--> sky_napo@yahoo.com




--> sky_napo




--> winda.astria88@yahoo.com




--> winda.astria@hotmail.com




--> winda.astria




--> sky_napo@yahoo.com




--> winda.astria88




--> sky_napo@yahoo.com


well, internet seems like primers needed in our life. and of course social networking inded :')

welcome april :)

Hii april :)
please be nice.. this month i want you be so perfecto ! yes, would you? * i wish*

start from the first april, APRIL MOP !
we ( me, rini, ida, bagus) have a trip to Jakarta. this trip full of tears. yes, rini want meet his boyfie : lukman. lukman have a transform his job to banjarmasin, it so far away from bandung. and it's for a long long time. it's so sad to be separated even it's just for his distance :(

and this april become the point of my status. well, i want to fix it!

sweet songs

i have words : "don't let me go"
i love those words. how 'bout you? i have lyrics from my mixtape (honestly, i have it after my morphine say it, then in few minutes i trying to find the old songs from my notebook playlist..here there !




Never-say-never by the fray

Some things we don’t talk about
better do without
and just hold a smile
falling in and out of love
a scene their proud of
together all the while

You can never say never while we don’t know it
time and time again
younger now then we were before
dont let me go, dont let me go, dont let me go
dont let me go, dont let me go, dont let me go

Picture you’re the queen of everything
as far as the eye can see
under your command
I will be your guardian from all that’s coming down
steady your hand

You can never say never while we don’t know it
time time and time again
younger now then we were before
dont let me go, dont let me go, dont let me go
dont let me go, dont let me go, dont let me go.

We’re falling apart,
we’re coming together,
again and again
we’re crawling apart,
but we’re falling together,
falling together
together again

don’t let me go, don’t let me go, don’t let me go. (oh oh oh)
don’t let me go, don’t let me go, don’t let me go. (ohhhh ohhh)
don’t let me go, don’t let me go, don’t let me go. (ohhh ohhh)
don’t let me go, don’t let me go, don’t let me go.(ohohhohhh)


3 Doors Down - Let Me Go

One more kiss could be the best thing
Or one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And your not something I deserve

CHORUS
In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me
And you love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go, let me go

I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
And I know what I'm going through

CHORUS
In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me
And you love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go, just let me go, let me go

And no matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside
I know, I know
But all the pieces fall apart
You will be the only one who knows, who knows

You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go, just let me go

(you don't know)
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
(you don't know)
You love me but you don't know who I am

(you don't know)
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
(you don't know)
You love me but you don't know me

secrets

...and we meet again.
...and we're watching film. (for sure, the film was the worst film that i ever saw)
...and we're joking each other.
...and we're enjoy the sat-nite.
...and
...and
...and
...and i have a secret.

thankyou, K ;)

my busy "holiday"

well, in the middle of my daily rutine i've got my busy "holiday". i plan to have holiday in palembang to meet fenny's family and nia's. just a few photo that i can share, enjoy it to remind memory in that town. and i'll miss to go back to palembang in the short holiday maybe, i wish. :p

oh i think i do something wrong when i upload the photos. it must the jogja's photos there after the palembang's. but enjoy it.

after i've spent 3 days in palembang, i do the next trip to jogja, where many stories in the old time had done. i'm going to jogja with nia, my bestfriend. i really enjoy my holiday. and i don't back to reality :( i need more holiday :(

congratz pungky :)

well, God's way always be the best way in our life. He always make us blessed. how come? if we always trust in Him. everything will be ok in His time :)

my beautiful friend, Pungky Rafika Nababan finally get her carreer in OrangTua Group. wow, amazing.. the bonafit company in this town. of course it will be interesting. when you wait for the job over many month, and the end you get the best job that God give to you.

someday, i'll be the next Pungky.. not to have carreer in the OT Group, but i mean i will success like she does. and ofcourse, our future are there in God's Hand. just wait, try with all your effort, and always trust in Him. thankyou my dear God :)

MOOD :)

this saturday was very beautiful. start with sunshine, enjoy the goodday, and share time with many friends and best doggy, finally closed by someone who's called me on the night and we're talk about everything.. don't know what can make we still on the phone until the new sunday come. thankyou krebipetii. you always make me smile :)

i'm sorry

i try to be honest, but i can't.
i try to be smooth, but i can't.
i try to be perfect, of course i try, but i can't.

N N N

Napo meet up, JKT on begining february.. i love you Guys :)

thankyou :)

this is 2011. thanks God for your caring & for your loving. i love you God, yes i do.

for this begining year, I'm ON STRESS ! how come? of course from my final project. just 2weeks later my time, can i? sebenarnya gw udah pasrah bgt sama keadaan final project gw. bab 4 yg paling menyita wktu, tp malah bab itu yg belom jadi :(

tapi kl gw berhenti disini, apakabar usaha dan pengorbanan gw slama ini? jadi manusia kok lemah gini ya? kl emg ga tidur slama 2 minggu bisa menghasilkan bab 4, knp tidak gw lakukan? okee.. i'll try. yes, i am.

on processing final project, sometimes there so many angle that God send to accompanny me, to live my life :)

poltak caesarrio hutagaol, this man sometimes makes me scared about my future. trushty it, he's word sometimes killing me out. yes, it works. maybe, he's the angle that God have, his support makes me know how to serve myself when i'm on stress. thankyou krebipeti :) -and, i don't know for what reason our togetherness, but thankyou-

bagus prasojo, OH MY GOD, this is the real kindy mand that i ever had before. he's very helpfully. he's makes me to be me, he support me, he try to solve my problems, and ofcourse he always there beside me. i love you, gus :) be nice always.

pak mandala, how can i say so thankyou, sir? you're the really man that i ever know. you threat me as my own self. you always support me, your understanding makes me want to be my best self, and you're always be my friend indeed (;

and.. all of my napo. i love you so :)

this final project just i dedicated to all of you, and my lated man: my superhero daddy, finally it's finished. are you happy dad? and to my lovely mom, thanks for you. know how much i love you? ohh unspeable, mom :)

the lated man, 2 years

Maybe I'm going to anywhere in this entire world,

but for sure I'll never leave you..

-pa, aku ingat slalu kata2 ini, please always beside me. keep your promises on me truth (:-


i miss you so damn much daddy, it's over 2 years. how are you? how your day? are you happy? please tell me. will you meet me on my dream this nite? hopefully it.

new year :)

okay, new year use to be colorful, but i want to be neutral, so i choose to be black and white.


so here we go again the new year
New year, brand new you.
But dont meant that we have to change everything in our life, let we just leave the bad ones and keep the good ones. sounds so cliche, eh?


here are my 2011 resolutions, hope i can reach them all:)